“God, I don’t know. What do I know? I know what I’ve learned about You. A lot. All my life.
But what do I know? I do know what I see, what I touch, what I smell is real, seems real. What I want to know, what I really want to know…I can’t really. At least not completely. Arguably not mostly. Only in part, and that part is barely. Who knows the mind of God?
What do I know about You God? I know what I’ve read about you. I understand some of what I’ve read about You. The good stuff. Some of what I’ve read is often puzzling, a mystery. Much of what I’ve read demands a faith which often seems like a stretch.
What do I believe about You? What I know and what I believe often seems miles apart only to be connected by a leap of faith. Jump! Religion demands I know for sure. No room for doubt. No room for uncertainty. No room for unbelief. I believe in You, so I think I do.
God, if I don’t know, is that OK? What am I sure of? A mustard seed perhaps. Is that enough? Is that OK? I want to know more. God, am I OK knowing little? What do I know? What do I believe? What do I think? It’s You. Just You. Love.” -author unknown…kinda
I remember way, way back at the beginning of my three-year stint in seminary to earn a Masters in Divinity. I was a fish out of water not being an academic nor a scholar, quite the opposite. Just a regular guy wanting to earn a degree enabling me to enter formal ministry and change the world for Jesus. The first thing that struck me profoundly was discovering how much more beyond the bible was written and debated about Christianity. All the scholarly books written about doctrine and theology over the decades and centuries since the time of Christ. All the combined debates, disagreements and nuances of theology and doctrine. Exegesis, hermeneutics. One of my first mind blowing assignments in a doctrine class was to write a paper describing a debate between a devout Calvinist and a devout Arminian. Boy howdy, did that torque my brain. Still does!
Before I entered seminary, I was warned that many seminarians drop out of seminary because they are somehow troubled by what they learn or what they are unable to learn, meaning their beliefs are affected to such a degree they don’t foresee themselves going into the ministry. Of course, some might just change their minds or feel their calling has changed. Some might run out of money. I read that 40-60% of seminarians drop out. Who knows for sure exactly why every one of them may quit but one thing I can say, the rigorous demand on the mind to soak up even a small portion of the unfathomable amount of scholarship, let alone the myriad of contrarian views related to doctrine and theology in Christendom as a whole, is daunting to say the least.
Circling back to the poem above, what do we really know about God? More importantly how do we know God? More exactly, can we know God well without knowing much about Him? Ultimately, does God… can God transcend all the scholarship, all the doctrine, all the books, sermons, and bible studies to meet a human soul in such a way that doubt, even unbelief is relieved? I’d like to think so, right? I’m wondering out loud, perhaps with you or without you. The bible itself should be an open door to something beyond itself and I am not intending here to diss the scriptures except to say there must be a way to know God beyond what we know, even if knowing ushers us into an encounter with the mystery of God. If the Psalms can’t usher a hungry soul into an encounter with God…
Disciples were first sent out to proclaim Jesus and to teach. Proclamation and teaching have a God ordained place. What I’m trying to say here, and likely not doing a very good job of it, is at the end of the day, God is still mostly mystery. Of course. He should be. But the overwhelming evidence from history and what has been written points to a God who is the essence and source of love. I like the love. I like the mystery. God, Jesus, Spirit. It keeps me on my toes.
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